My Journey

Yesterday I had some energy work done. The result, a renewed spirit full of light and love. A definite weight has been lifted, thank the Universe. I feel like a new person. I am so deeply  thankful for those that have been with me and that have helped me throughout this journey.  A rock has been turned, I can feel the warmth of the sun, the cool whisper of a breeze……although there is still plenty of soul work to be done, I am at last feeling. If you have ever felt like your vibrancy, the feelings of emotions, your vitality had evaporated into thin air, as though it was stolen from you and you felt at a loss as to where to begin to look, a feeling of extreme exhaustion and helplessness, then you know how I have been feeling these past few months. I wasn’t sure how to dig myself out of this deep depression. I refused to call a doctor and be prescribed “uppers”. I knew that something was terribly wrong, like something had broken. And not only was it affecting me, but those I loved.

The journey that started last summer, this path of discovering who I am, taking care of myself, loving the child I am of the universe had led me to a holistic approach as to how to nix this state of darkness. My intuition told me that I was experiencing something outside of my control. I didn’t need a Band-Aid to help. I knew that somewhere deep within, these negative emotions were becoming stronger and were taking over my life, it was as if there was a dam that had been broken and it was threatening to take over my entire being with its inky deep void. These negative characteristics (jealousy, extreme anger, sadness, exhaustion, defeat, fear) went against the grain of who I am naturally. I missed my energetic self; the person that was typically always laughing, loving life, loving those around her. I had become a monster and I needed to stop it dead in its tracks. With help. So I went to an energy healer not really knowing what to expect or what would take place. I did not expect to dive into my past, pull out skeletons, revisit those feelings and become a blubbering mess. But I did and it wasn’t very pretty. The healer started working with these energies, taking what was bad, healing my spirit slowly and deeply. Towards the end of our session, I swear I heard birds singing so clear and beautifully, instruments being played in the distance and I felt so at peace I heard myself stating that I never wanted to leave.

Once I did leave, I left lighter. As though something had been physically removed. I feel awakened, less burdened, I can hear the birds, feel the sun, see my friends in a different light. A dark veil had been lifted. I get emotional talking or thinking  about it because I was in such a dark place when I had sat on that table and I feel such love and happiness now, such gratefulness for the universe placing Cleo (the healer) into my life. I am now back on that path, but with a much clearer state of mind and focus. I am working on becoming that spirit I always wanted and was meant to physically be. Enjoying this journey, living in the now, working on a better me. One that can offer back to the universe what it has given me. I, as always, hope to inspire you to fall into loving yourself, taking care of you and allowing yourself to rely on the universe for help. Always follow your intuition. Your body knows when things are off. Just listen to it. To  become who we are meant to be means that we need to be healed, let go of what has been holding us back, shed the  negativity. I want to become a beacon of light and love for not only myself or my loved ones, but for the entire universe. Those are my goals. I want to live in love, feel love, be in love for all that exists. I am looking forward to unraveling my shell and discovering the core of who I am. I haven’t quit met her yet. But I bet she is beautiful, just as you are.

Much love,
Carla 

Returning

Time flies when you are having fun or out chasing dreams. If life had a map, mine would be a one laden with new paths and some dead ends. I am coming to a point now that I am ready to return to what I had started a year ago….I yearn for the familiar, that feeling of coming home. I have been on a long journey, diving deep into the sea of my inner self, uncovering who it is that I am. I have made remarkable progress, but it is time to rest. Take a siesta in a field of wild flowers, gaze at an ocean of stars, allow the mind to simply unravel and float free. Thinking and over thinking comes natural to me. Keeping my thoughts silent is a struggle. Some questions in life cannot be answered by others, research or the internet. The answer lies within and the only way to hear it is to be peacefully silent. Another release that I have always found incredibly helpful is writing. At times I seem to answer my own weighing quandary’s by just letting my thoughts flow through my fingertips to pen to paper (or keyboard to screen). So here I am again! I have missed my blog and revisiting has aroused a sense of longing and beautiful nostalgia. Have you ever looked back at a photo or maybe your own journal and thought to yourself, wow, I have lead a beautiful and abundant life. That is what is so profound about writing. You can easily forget a moment, but once its jotted down to remember or captured in a photo, you can forever revisit. Why did I ever stop? Life gets so busy. But I am making a promise to take the time to do that which helps me grow or can bring peace to my life, or can help myself tap into my higher being.

Immersed in the simple pleasures of life. Indulging in a good book under the refuge of a huge maple tree that sits high on a hill overlooking the gorgeous Hudson River with the Catskill mountains as a back drop. It is peaceful and  there is always a playful breeze making its way across the fields. A simple cloud in contrast to the blue sky captivates me as I sit at work and gaze longingly outside. It is so incredibly striking that its nearly ethereal and I have to wonder if it is real.  I drive with my windows and sunroof open, taking big deep breathes of fresh air,  allowing the sun laden summer breeze and Led Zeppelin carry me away through valleys of lush greenery and hawks capturing my awe as they glide above. A visit to the ocean reminds me how vast and yet small we are. The salty air awakens my senses, the cry of seagulls and rolling waves bring my soul to a state of peace. I allow her to take all my worries, anxiety and petty issues out to sea, where she can swallow them and return to me love and a reminder that my body and mind are sacred. Closing my eyes and taking in the sounds around me, I repeat these simple words: I am blessed, my life is abundant, I am loved, I am worthy, I am at peace with life and I am open to what the universe has to offer. When we slow down and take in our surroundings, drink in the beauty that our Mother has to offer, the gifts are priceless and are abundant to our lives.

I am returning to be inspired and inspire. What brings me the greatest joy is to help others love who they are, to reach for what may seem unattainable and to encourage you to be the person you are truly meant to be. We are forever changing and growing. It is not always easy nor always a beautiful process. But like the lotus, we emerge from dirt and rock to reveal our true being. Take time to be silent. Take time to walk barefoot and soak up all that earth energy (it is free and abundant, so be greedy!). Retreat to the forest, embrace her soil, drive your roots into the depths of her love. 

Many Blessings. 

Carla 

A Re-Cap :)

Thought I would share my life currently via snapshots! Just when I thought things were going to settle down, life offered me an opportunity of a lifetime and its been a whirlwind of creativity! As my father told me "we do not allow grass to grow under our feet". Taking after my dad, I move from one project to the next, I love to grow and to have my head deep within a plethora of subjects, knowledge is food to my soul. But I am hoping to create deep roots within this new role and stay for a while, a LONG while. There is SO much to learn, so much so that I will never comprehend it all within my lifetime.

I will save all the details for my next post. In the meantime, life has been sweet. Time spent with my family out playing in the water this past weekend was loads of fun. It was the perfect afternoon together. I hope everyone is enjoying these hot summer days doing whatever it is you love and making the best of them!! I am relishing every minute :)

Right Now....

{A picturesque view of one of the many bay's in Rhode Island. It was exactly what was needed.}

I bid a sweet farewell to our dear social media friend Facebook last week. And I haven't looked back nor regretted my decision whatsoever. This was something I had been really reflecting on, flip flopping on whether I should stay or go. It was rather pathetic that I was having such difficulty making my decision. A part of me wanted to stay to keep connected with friends and family that live far away. But the more I logged on, I started to see (much)  more negative than positive being the trend. And if you have been reading my blog, I have been avidly trying to surround myself with as much positive vibes as possible. It was a personal choice of mine to cut tie's with being distracted with what other people were doing and to focus more so on my current life, the people that are important within my home, who need my undivided attention. I felt that it had become a habit to constantly check in, see what was new, keep tabs. A waste of constructive time that I could be playing with Logan, creating art, taking a walk, enjoying just BEING present. A huge part of this decision had come from my blog. Writing is very therapeutic for me, which I would have never known if I had never taken that initial step to write! What is written comes straight from my heart. When writing, I find that my heart is speaking to my mind and I am listening to myself speak. It's a moment when my soul is calm and my thoughts are fluid. When I am not writing, my mind is a rampant jungle of idea's, feelings, emotions. It is hard to hear myself clearly. When re-reading my blog posts and then logging onto Facebook, I realized that what I was living and what I was writing weren't always coinciding. My heart and soul wanted calm, I yearn for peace, oneness, to focus, create positive energy within every corner of my life. That is what has been written. Being distracted with social media, focusing on other's lives and inadvertently paying less attention to mine was becoming a draining factor.

{Enjoying every living second with my boy}

Again, this was a personal choice. I do not pass judgement to anyone that has a Facebook account. I just felt it was something I needed to do to truly live a life of peace and harmony. I still enjoy Pinterest, as it inspires me to create projects, become creative within the kitchen as well as its plethora of knowledgeable tidbits shared by other folk. I also like Instagram, I like to follow other bloggers out their and happen upon other great bloggers. Its a great way to connect without words getting in the way. Its visually arousing, lol! And of course, like I stated above, I have my blog, which is therapeutic.

{If you haven't noticed, I am currently infatuated with Ram Dass, he is a beautiful individual.}

On the blog side of things, I have spent months pondering as to what avenue my blog was taking. Whether I would turn it into a money making machine (haha!), a DIY crafty blog or a lifestyle blog.  I have purchased a few guides as to how to kick start your blog, how to draw in the crowds, to focus on topics that will keep your audience intrigued.  As with other things in my life, I settled on not placing a label on it. All these rules really bog me down. If there is one thing I know about myself, I do not adhere to rules very well, nor instruction. I like to pave my own way through life. So once I listened to myself, I claim this; my blog is for me, a place where I can allow my words and thoughts to flow freely. It's not always going to be on one certain topic and it might not always be airy. At times I do feel like I may go a little too deeply on a topic, but I give free reign to whatever path my heart and soul takes. The main reason I am here is to be genuine. I am not putting on a show or trying to entertain. I give you my raw thoughts. Of course I love all of my readers, but my greatest hope is that you are here because what you are reading is hopefully rising within you inspiration and the courage to be nothing but yourself.

{My current read. Food for my soul.}

On that note, I send you love and happiness. Just BE. Like my newest favorite quote states, "we're all just walking each other home" {Ram Dass}.