November - Growing Pains

The month of reflection is here, a time to reminisce and be cognoscente of what we are grateful and thankful for. Some of us may be able to welcome the upcoming holiday season with an open heart and nothing but a sparkle in our eyes. Others might be entering this season with a heavy heart, finding it a bit hard to be welcoming or even capable of feeling remotely festive or thankful. I have always been one to play Christmas carols in November, driving my friends and family crazy. The holiday season is a time where I transform into my child like self, the excitement is raw and I am ready to just BE that glowing ornament on the Christmas tree! But this season, my light is a little dimmer than normal. Although life has been a bit rocky for me these past few months, this quote reassures me when I feel like giving up; “Everything is happening exactly as it’s supposed to, with hidden blessings that you’ll soon understand. Sometimes what appears to be a problem is actually an answered prayer in disguise.” When we feel as though we are living on fumes and are about to stall out, find yourself a quite spot to reflect,  grab a piece of paper or your journal and start scribbling down anything and everything that you are thankful for or whatever raises your spirit an octave higher.

I am so blessed to have a great group of friends and family who have been a major source of support throughout life. They have always been able to bring my spirits up by just being there, as well as helping me to remember who I am and what positive attributes I bring into our friendship. Surround yourself with others who bring out the best in you and provide good energy. Take this month to reflect on who might be in your life that you are deeply grateful for, someone that has always been there, through the good times and the bad. This month is all about showing and vocalizing appreciation. Thank them by reminding them how very special they are, how grateful you are. Maybe do something simple to show them that you are appreciative. This year I truly want to host a Friendsgiving. Invite all of my besties over, treat them with love and indulge on them a bit. There is nothing better for the soul then laughter with friends and giving!

My newest goal as we head closer to 2017 is to love: myself. Never forget to treat yourself with love. Be thankful to have life, to be alive and able to share yourself with others. Always treat yourself with respect and indulge in the things that make your heart, soul and mind buzz with happiness. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. When we neglect loving ourselves, we can easily lose sight of who we are and become angry or bitter towards the world. Your life is a blessing. I have learned this the hard way and I am sure that I am not alone. As a working mother and wife, I became consumed with tending to others needs, neglecting mine along the way. I ran habit of depending on my husband to make me happy or friends, but the only person who can truly make me happy is ME. We cannot depend on someone else to make ourselves happy. It isn’t fair to them. I am now doing small things that truly make me happy. For example, painting my nails or taking time to read a book. Typically we do not need a lot to make ourselves happy, so square away just a tiny bit of “you time”, even if its 15 minutes. You will thank yourself and be a much happier version of you.

I am thankful for my family who loves me unconditionally. I am thankful that I have a home to come to each evening. That I have food to nourish myself and my family. That I am loved and that I can show love. The fits of laughter and big hugs that I am given from my son. The fact that I am writing this article. That I have genuine friendships that I know will last many seasons. I could go on and on!! Now that I have started this list my spirits have lifted! There are so many things that we can be thankful for. Unfortunately it is much easier to become inundated with life and the struggles, but when we really think about what we have and we write it down, it changes our mindset and we can view our world from a place of love.

This Thanksgiving, be sure to thank those you have in your life. Be kind to yourself. And be thankful for all the small things.

Peace & Blessings –

Carla   

Peace & Solitude - Be You

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           Write in your journal under a  grand maple tree overlooking the beautiful Hudson river and mountains that have caught on fire with mother earths paint brush of autumn. Jot down all that inspires you , all that you mean to accomplish in this lifetime, all of your beliefs and aspirations. Pour onto its pages your emotions, what makes you tick, what causes an emotional hiccup, pour out your passions…..your journal is the life line of your heart, the written essence who you are. Your journal will keep your secrets, she will support you through each season of your life.  If you wish, keep this journal as a memoir for your children so that they can learn or hear your voice long past. Keep this journal to look back on yourself for wisdom or to simply relive an experience. A lot of times I catch myself taking photos or writing creatively on social media, but it is lost to the world, to never be seen or read again.

·         Square away some time to enjoy the peace and solitude of silence. Enjoy the simple beauties of life. Whether you decide to sit outdoors or indoors, find the beauty of what surrounds you. Light some candles, enjoy their warm glow. Wrap yourself in an amazingly soft plush blanket. Notice the texture against your skin. Feel the crisp breeze against your skin, take a deep breathe. Listen to the sounds that create the world around you. Notice how the light plays, how the tree’s speak, how the earth seems to sigh in unison with each deep breath you take. Try your best to keep your mind free and open, you never know what floating orb of creativeness might be trying to capture your attention. It is good to take some time to yourself to reflect and listen to what your body needs. I rarely give myself a moment to be present with no one but myself. But it’s a good goal to set for myself.

·         Find a hobby that makes your soul shimmer with passion and great happiness. Keep this hobby just as it is, a hobby. Do not try to mold it into a piece of work or start attaching dollar signs to it. Just create with your mind, allow your entire self to become consumed with whatever it is that it wants to be consumed with. Don’t allow it’s silky threads to fall from your grasp. Feast your mind on the idea or thought that you may have caught and continue to expand it, like a ball of glowing energy that you have caught between your palms, continue to feed it energy, allowing it to grow with a pulsing life of its own.

·         Find a book that inspires you. One that relates to your current journey or path. Sometimes we can feel alone with our thoughts even though we know others have surely struggled with the same ideas or thoughts, we can feel alienated.  People throughout history have walked the same path, no doubt. We are simply repeating history and living it out in our own song and dance.  A book that has helped me shake the feeling of self-doubt is “BIG MAGIC – Creative Living Beyond Fear” written by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am definitely a creative soul and at times I can be tough on myself. I was nearly ready to give up writing because I simply didn’t feel I was good enough and even questioned myself as to what I was doing. Who did I think I was trying to be a writer? I have never gone to school for journalism! After reading Gilbert’s book I was comforted to know that she too had the very same fears. Her book has inspired me to continue writing my stories. I fell into this habit of feeling like my stories had to be written to entertain others or that I had to strictly write on topics that would serve others. But that was a trap I conjured up myself. If you are creator (through writing, sewing, forming pottery…..whatever the creation might be) do it for YOU, no one else. What you do will in turn inspire others. Passion is what drives your work to become an inspiration. Without that flame, your candle would never glow and warm others. 
   
      Light & Love
         Carla

My Journey

Yesterday I had some energy work done. The result, a renewed spirit full of light and love. A definite weight has been lifted, thank the Universe. I feel like a new person. I am so deeply  thankful for those that have been with me and that have helped me throughout this journey.  A rock has been turned, I can feel the warmth of the sun, the cool whisper of a breeze……although there is still plenty of soul work to be done, I am at last feeling. If you have ever felt like your vibrancy, the feelings of emotions, your vitality had evaporated into thin air, as though it was stolen from you and you felt at a loss as to where to begin to look, a feeling of extreme exhaustion and helplessness, then you know how I have been feeling these past few months. I wasn’t sure how to dig myself out of this deep depression. I refused to call a doctor and be prescribed “uppers”. I knew that something was terribly wrong, like something had broken. And not only was it affecting me, but those I loved.

The journey that started last summer, this path of discovering who I am, taking care of myself, loving the child I am of the universe had led me to a holistic approach as to how to nix this state of darkness. My intuition told me that I was experiencing something outside of my control. I didn’t need a Band-Aid to help. I knew that somewhere deep within, these negative emotions were becoming stronger and were taking over my life, it was as if there was a dam that had been broken and it was threatening to take over my entire being with its inky deep void. These negative characteristics (jealousy, extreme anger, sadness, exhaustion, defeat, fear) went against the grain of who I am naturally. I missed my energetic self; the person that was typically always laughing, loving life, loving those around her. I had become a monster and I needed to stop it dead in its tracks. With help. So I went to an energy healer not really knowing what to expect or what would take place. I did not expect to dive into my past, pull out skeletons, revisit those feelings and become a blubbering mess. But I did and it wasn’t very pretty. The healer started working with these energies, taking what was bad, healing my spirit slowly and deeply. Towards the end of our session, I swear I heard birds singing so clear and beautifully, instruments being played in the distance and I felt so at peace I heard myself stating that I never wanted to leave.

Once I did leave, I left lighter. As though something had been physically removed. I feel awakened, less burdened, I can hear the birds, feel the sun, see my friends in a different light. A dark veil had been lifted. I get emotional talking or thinking  about it because I was in such a dark place when I had sat on that table and I feel such love and happiness now, such gratefulness for the universe placing Cleo (the healer) into my life. I am now back on that path, but with a much clearer state of mind and focus. I am working on becoming that spirit I always wanted and was meant to physically be. Enjoying this journey, living in the now, working on a better me. One that can offer back to the universe what it has given me. I, as always, hope to inspire you to fall into loving yourself, taking care of you and allowing yourself to rely on the universe for help. Always follow your intuition. Your body knows when things are off. Just listen to it. To  become who we are meant to be means that we need to be healed, let go of what has been holding us back, shed the  negativity. I want to become a beacon of light and love for not only myself or my loved ones, but for the entire universe. Those are my goals. I want to live in love, feel love, be in love for all that exists. I am looking forward to unraveling my shell and discovering the core of who I am. I haven’t quit met her yet. But I bet she is beautiful, just as you are.

Much love,
Carla 

Returning

Time flies when you are having fun or out chasing dreams. If life had a map, mine would be a one laden with new paths and some dead ends. I am coming to a point now that I am ready to return to what I had started a year ago….I yearn for the familiar, that feeling of coming home. I have been on a long journey, diving deep into the sea of my inner self, uncovering who it is that I am. I have made remarkable progress, but it is time to rest. Take a siesta in a field of wild flowers, gaze at an ocean of stars, allow the mind to simply unravel and float free. Thinking and over thinking comes natural to me. Keeping my thoughts silent is a struggle. Some questions in life cannot be answered by others, research or the internet. The answer lies within and the only way to hear it is to be peacefully silent. Another release that I have always found incredibly helpful is writing. At times I seem to answer my own weighing quandary’s by just letting my thoughts flow through my fingertips to pen to paper (or keyboard to screen). So here I am again! I have missed my blog and revisiting has aroused a sense of longing and beautiful nostalgia. Have you ever looked back at a photo or maybe your own journal and thought to yourself, wow, I have lead a beautiful and abundant life. That is what is so profound about writing. You can easily forget a moment, but once its jotted down to remember or captured in a photo, you can forever revisit. Why did I ever stop? Life gets so busy. But I am making a promise to take the time to do that which helps me grow or can bring peace to my life, or can help myself tap into my higher being.

Immersed in the simple pleasures of life. Indulging in a good book under the refuge of a huge maple tree that sits high on a hill overlooking the gorgeous Hudson River with the Catskill mountains as a back drop. It is peaceful and  there is always a playful breeze making its way across the fields. A simple cloud in contrast to the blue sky captivates me as I sit at work and gaze longingly outside. It is so incredibly striking that its nearly ethereal and I have to wonder if it is real.  I drive with my windows and sunroof open, taking big deep breathes of fresh air,  allowing the sun laden summer breeze and Led Zeppelin carry me away through valleys of lush greenery and hawks capturing my awe as they glide above. A visit to the ocean reminds me how vast and yet small we are. The salty air awakens my senses, the cry of seagulls and rolling waves bring my soul to a state of peace. I allow her to take all my worries, anxiety and petty issues out to sea, where she can swallow them and return to me love and a reminder that my body and mind are sacred. Closing my eyes and taking in the sounds around me, I repeat these simple words: I am blessed, my life is abundant, I am loved, I am worthy, I am at peace with life and I am open to what the universe has to offer. When we slow down and take in our surroundings, drink in the beauty that our Mother has to offer, the gifts are priceless and are abundant to our lives.

I am returning to be inspired and inspire. What brings me the greatest joy is to help others love who they are, to reach for what may seem unattainable and to encourage you to be the person you are truly meant to be. We are forever changing and growing. It is not always easy nor always a beautiful process. But like the lotus, we emerge from dirt and rock to reveal our true being. Take time to be silent. Take time to walk barefoot and soak up all that earth energy (it is free and abundant, so be greedy!). Retreat to the forest, embrace her soil, drive your roots into the depths of her love. 

Many Blessings. 

Carla